Quick Trivia

Who are the two smart ass old men in the balconey in the Muppet Show?

Look, Its my Neighbor!

This was in the Friday's Newspaper!

Man allegedly took his child to drug deal

Two Columbia men were in the Boone County Jail today after deputies with the Boone County Sheriff’s Department searched a home on Prathersville Road and allegedly found them making a drug transaction.

Detective Clark Luntsford of the Boone County Sheriff’s Department said in a news release that one of the men had his 12-year-old child with him during the alleged drug deal.

Asshole 1, was arrested on suspicion of distribution of a controlled substance and possession of a controlled substance. His bond was set at $4,500.

Also taken into custody was Alice’s Neighbor. Idiot Neighbor was arrested on suspicion of distribution of a controlled substance, possession of a controlled substance and first-degree child endangerment. His bond was set at $9,000.

Deputies executed the drug search as part of an ongoing investigation into drug trafficking in the county. Items found during the search included more than two pounds of marijuana, some methamphetamine, electronic scales and drug paraphernalia.

He now has a 34,000 bond right now. His wife has been creeping in and out of the house at strange hours of the day and night. I have not seen the son, I wonder if he is now in foster care.

I spoke with the little old lady next door. Next door is a four-plex and she lives in the bottom dwelling… the two apartments on the right are spoken for one by a very nice lesbian college student that well, if I was a lesbian I would certainly go for her. The upstairs by a pair of violent couple (kids, both much younger than myself) who get the cops called all the time for domestic assult. Anyways, the little old lady was telling me how her upstairs neighbor just left because she didn’t like the noise anymore. Um, what upstairs lady…. No one has lived there in over a year. Sure enough Sunday morning the for rent sign went back out front of the four-plex. Was a undercover detective there? Was the neighbors house under surveillance. Hmmmm….. certainly makes me question things when Boy-Toy and I are vigilent about making sure we know all the comings and goings of our little block (I’m not nosy… I’m not paranoid…. I’m smart) and never once did we see ANYONE ever come and go out of that building except the aforementioned.

The Good The Bad The Ugly

Okay-dokey. Well, the boy-toy and I had a long talk on Friday when he got home. This came down to the good the bad and the ugly.

The Good
When asked point blank “Do I make you happy.” The answer was an immediate yes… I told him to think about it a while and get back to me… three hours later he said sometimes. All this weekend we have made a effort to actually talk about things that bother us and why it does rather than the ususal “lighting of the fuse” to our dynamite so we no longer snapped and just went off on each other. We both brought up things that bothered us that neither of us saw that we did. Needless to say he slept with me all weekend and we didn’t fight. Let us hope this keeps going. He said he would go to the therapist the week after next.

The Bad
I found out that the Boy-Toys work is one of the things that SERIOUSLY stresses him out. He said he didn’t want me to know to the extent of why it bothered him because he didn’t want to stress me out. I told him that I would much rather know what the real issue of his anger was rather than him taking out his anger on me. He said he would work on it.

The Ugly
To add to some of the problems I have found out why Boy-Toy was stressed about his job and didn’t want to tell me. There are two partners who own the business. Partner One is a ego-maniacal twit who is extremely materialistic and money hungry. He loves to flaunt his money and make people (especially his employees) beg (literally) for their paycheck or an extra few bucks. He also takes out taxes (sometimes) but doesn’ record it on the paycheck stub. (I will be calling the BBB later this week). He also is a severe drinker who has dislocated his very young sons arm twice when he was made and the other kids acutally have pissed their pants when he yells. (Never gets in trouble with police, see what money can buy you in this town?) Partner Two is a crack head. Yep, another one. This guy is caught all the time sleeping in closets, or on the roof smoking the glass pipe. Boy-Toys brother caught him one time in a closet with a holster containing a gun, a gun on his lap, two glass pipes and Partner Two was in Boy-Toy terms, “passed the fuck out.” He didn’t wake him. Partner Two would disappear for a few hours and come back to work LIT. Well, Partner One was tired of the homeowner complaing about his partner, (these are SEVERAL million dollar houses we are talking about) tired of his employees complaining since they had to catch up on all his work, and tired of his best friend basically letting him down.

Friday morning Partner One fired Partner Two.
Friday afternoon Partner Two calls everyone contractor and home owner giving death threats if they hire that company.
Friday afternoon Boy-Toy calls Alice and tells her not to go outside because he has received a death threat and rape threats on me.
Saturday morning Partner One calls Boy-Toy and tells him that he was sorry he fired Partner Two and that he didn’t want to, everyone made him. Grow some fucking balls you bastard.
Saturday evening Partner One calls Boy-Toy again apologizing saying it wasn’t actually any of their faults, he is just so upset to have lost such a good friend. Partner Ones wife came home just to be with him and Quote, “ to hold each other in this time of crisis.”
Hope Boy-Toy’s day at work is going smoothly.

HOLY CRAP!

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! What a long certifiably strange weekend it has been. I am going to type everything up... return my emails to the lovely Rat a one or two to Bruce-y. Boy, I guess I will put everything into sections so you can flip to your interest of my strangely mundane life and read what you want to otherwise all the crap I have to say today is going to be the longest post yet.

First I gotta check out the inmate list of the my county to see who is in there...

Do I Make You Happy?

That is the question I am going to pose to the boy-toy when I get home. I think our relationship is going south. I have had only two boyfriends in my life. The first showered me with attention and attentiveness but we were both immature and we had our issues but he left and other than the fact we no longer spoke to each other (until recently) it was an easy split for me. No confrontation, no real animosity. Some hard feelings but we just, well, split. This relationship however, is a different story. Boy-toy is the anti-touch, he doesn’t hold hands, he doesn’t hug, and he only kisses me when we leave each other. Sex is great, but that is about as emotionally attatched that we get. He is (in his mind) never to be blamed for things because they aren’t his fault. His entire family is like that quite honestly. None of them do wrong, just other people screw up. They don’t think of themselves as perfect, they just don’t think of themselves as the problem. Ironically boy-toy calls his own brother out for these faults, but doesn’t see them in himself. I have asked the boy-toy to come with me to therapy sessions, I am quickly denied with the comment, “ it isn’t really helping, it only makes you worse and I can’t stand being around you anymore.”

Nice huh?

He just doesn’t like that I just accept his nasty comments and constant cutdowns anymore without retaliating (verbally of course). But as for us leaving each other it would be really hard. Yes, I understand very well that I could and probably should just get up and leave, come back and get my stuff at a later date. However, I know that boy-toy is VERY vindictive. If I just left, all my stuff would be absolutely ruined. Besides I don’t really want to take the cowardly way out and actually handle this in a mature fashion. I just don’t know if he can do it.

I love him dearly. Always will. That is the way these things go. But, I just don’t see us ever being “happy” we have our moments when we are but the seem to be getting fewer and fewer. I know I deserve better treatment and according to him all I do is annoy and bother him. I am stuck between rock and a hard place. I don’t want a bad sitatuion to get worse. I don’t want to just drop my entire life (the little life I have) to leave. I WILL NOT move back in with my parents! I don’t have to money to just run. I want to either talk and work things out (and he HATES talking) or I want what we have to be over. I just don’t know how to go about doing either with out upseting him. His temper is extremely nasty, we both have been in several verbal and physical fights in which neither of us come out on top, just incredibly embarresed the next day and apologetic… but, a few days later when we both say we won’t argue and fight again we start over.

Sigh. What is an Alice to do?

There once were a few men in my life that treated me like a queen. Back in the days these nerdy funny boys would wait on me hand and foot. But that was when I was young and before anyone understood what it was liked to be seriously attached. Would a person want to be with me? Would I be able to find the right person or is just like I always thought and that no one is ever truly happy in a relationship or I just need to deal with my problems in my convoluted ways I always deal with them.

Crap. Sigh. Life sucks.

Borrrrring

What a boring day. Is everyone else as board as I am? Well, my grandfathers health seems to be slowly declining. He has his cave and surrounding property for sale or looking for quality manager of it. I am pretty interested in the position so I will be going down this weekend to speak with him about it. He can't pay 401 or health insurance... but he would give me as many hours as I wanted, eh, decent or somewhat decent pay, and a free house to stay in (a 70's double wide that looks like a house on a foundation with an acre of land). I am doing my pros and cons list of the sortid deal.

I am doing as my therapist asked and I am actually begining to write a book. I am three chapters in. I kinda like doing the basics with getting the background and little diaglog, lots of character details.... then go back and fill in more information so that If it turns out good I could possibly have a second book after this one.

I am pulling a lot of my life and influences into the story. Believe me the hicks across the street will be included in it somewhere.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

One Red Paper Clip

Wow, I guess anything is possible.

I have a 8 foot silver wall hanging rolex looking clock (picked it up at a gargae sale for $2.00)

Wanna Barter?

Can You Believe This?

I can finally afford some new clothes! Five finger discount and not penalized for it.

RIGHT ON!

Thanks Wal-mart for being a pushover

Your Weekend Movie

I have a staff picnic today... nothing like 95 degree tempetures and persons with disabilites suffering in the heat for four hours. And, pale skinned Alice forgot her sunblock... go skin cancer! Anyways... Friday is my day off (therapy session and mowing my rented yard) so, I am leaving you all with my movie pick of the weekend. Watch it and tell me what you think!



Plot Summary for
Running Scared (2006)

Joey Gazelle (Paul Walker) is a low level mob flunkie who get told to dispose of a gun used for killing some dirty cops. Joey however, hides the gun in the drywall of his basement instead of tossing them in the river. When Joey's 10 year-old son (Alex Neuberger) and his best friend, Oleg (Cameron Bright), witness Joey hiding some guns from a botched drug deal, Oleg steals the gun -- a snub-nosed .38 -- and shoots his abusive stepfather (Karel Roden) with it. Things would be bad enough if the stepfather didn't happen to be the nephew of a psychotic Russian mob boss (John Noble)... who happens to be in business with Joey's crew on a gasoline scam. But now Joey's also got the surviving dirty cop (Chazz Palminteri) from the botched drug deal on his case... and that hot .38 out there on the street, changing hands in an underworld of freaks, pimps, hookers and pedophiles. As well as Oleg, who can connect Joey to the gun. And even if Joey can make it through the night, he's still got to an
swer to his wife (Vera Farmiga)...

P.S. The Cameron Bright kid, he was in Butterfly Effect, Ultraviolet (that movie sucked ass) and LOTS of television... my opinion is this kid has star quality written all over him.

Evening Smirk

Got this in an email. It says it was originally said by George Carlin... don't know if it is true or not, but it is damned funny either way.


George Carlin's new rules for 2006

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com ! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.

New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man , they're pictures of men.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule: Stop f***ing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.

New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

Just Another Brick In The Wall

Sad day in good music.

Foolish Lady

Paris Hilton wants kids... oh god, she wants to breed. Anyways, Alice is in a REAL good mood today. So, in light of Paris and all her possible brain dead offspring I give these pictures in salute to YOU!

Would YOU Hire Me?

Zan is being kind enough to proof my resume (I can't get those nifty woop-de-do thing on top of my e). Anyone have suggestions on how to make it better?


OBJECTIVE
Position in management, secretarial, and administration that will increase and utilize already well-developed skills and offer advancement in the areas of administrative assistance as well as personnel management, record keeping, and data entry in a stable environment.

WORK HISTORY
November 2002 – Present
Business Name Here
Personal Assistant Services Program Specialist/Administrative Assistant
Assisting persons with disabilities in advocacy, housing resources, and the personal assisted services program. Personally responsible for allocating over 75,000.00 dollars in grant funding for building residential ramps for over 30 people as well as invoicing the grant providers so that money could be reimbursed back to the agency. Served three years on the RampArt committee and personally oversaw the display of 300+ pieces of artwork at the Sid Larson Gallery on the Columbia College Campus during the duration of event. Was in charge 80 consumer case files my first year, 297 case files by third year, duties included ensuring quality of files for all audits. Employee set up for 15-20 new employees a week (included entering w-4 tax exemption records as well as direct deposit and contracts with our agency and the payroll company). Did timesheet imput and payroll for 150+ employees every two weeks. Assisted agency when understaffed with six-line switchboard and forwarding all calls to proper caseworker.

August 2001 – March 2002 (temporary job during business’ busy season)
Business Name Here
Photographer and Portrait Sales Consultant
Photographing church congregations for their annual directories. Photographing one to three churches per week in the Mid-Missouri region. Having, on average, 16 single/family portrait sits a day and averaging $1,115.33 per day in portrait sales. Carrying, assembling and disassembling equipment every at each church. Traveling daily from 48 to 310 miles to and from home.

August 2001 – March 2002 (temporary job during business’ busy season)
Business Name Here
Photographer Detailer
Averaging 38-52 hours per week. Handling professional photographer’s film for processing, checking each proof for correct color, quality check of proofs and prints throughout production as well as completing order for shipment.

February 2001 – July 2001
Business Name Here
Shift Manager
Assist in the interview process of new hires and completing applications and tax forms. Schedule and assist in monthly employee meetings. Managed store moneys daily. Entered daily totals including sales, employee hours, waste management and inventory of stock into computerized data entry systems. Maintained constant awareness of scheduling and inventory reports and work priorities of employees.

August 1999 – February 2001
Business Name Here
Student Supervisor
Simultaneously managing three separate restaurants in a large restaurant strip. Worked in a multi-cultural environment. Trained all new hires in proper customer services, food preparation, and health codes. Completed weekly scheduling of all student hours on computer entry system. Interviewing all new student hires assisting in completing applications and all tax forms. Schedule and leading student employee meetings.

EDUCATION
1999 – 2001 University of Missouri-Columbia, main focus in Psychology and Sociology, minor in Art History

1999 diploma received, general studies from School Name Here High School Defiance, Missouri

COMPUTER SKILLS
Microsoft Word, Microsoft Works, Microsoft Excel, Spreadsheets, extensive Internet knowledge, excellent understanding of most basic computer programs. 65+wpm

AWARDS RECEIVED
Received Employee of the Quarter twice at Business Name Here, this recognition is awarded by my supervisors and fellow co-workers.

Your Morning Smirk

I dialed a number and got the following recording: "I am not available
right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in
my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call,
you are one of the changes."

Broke, Hungry, Gas tank is dry but dealing with it.

Looks like I will be sitting in patio chairs tomorrow with a few beers watching others shoot off fireworks.

Eh, it could be worse right?