ACK.

Well My morning sucks ass already. The boy-toy and I got into an argument and I don’t even know why. Basically, it boils down to the fact that he believes me to be an inane idiot a large percentage of a time and I just think he is obtusely moronic.

And we are at a stand still.

Regardless he is refusing to accept my phone calls on his cell and refusing to call me (even thought I asked him nicely via text… “when you are done being pissy and talking about me to your buddies will you call me please.”

Well, maybe not that nice.

Crap.

Alice is about ready to give up all her responsiblities and just up and leave everything. Alice is not having a good day. Alice wants get away from all the little annoyances of the world. Alice is talking in third person (again). Alice wants to just up and leave everything and start a fresh new life. However, the probability of Alice doing this is Zilch to None because she doesn't like no knowing every finite detail of how to just escape.

Joe For President

JOE ARPAIO IS THE MARICOPA ARIZONA COUNTY SHERIFF

AND HE KEEPS GETTING ELECTED OVER AND OVER.

THESE ARE A FEW REASONS WHY:
Sheriff Joe Arpaio (in Arizona ) who created the "tent city jail":

He has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and charges the inmates for them.

He stopped smoking and porno magazines in the jails. Took away their weights. Cut off all but "G" movies.

He started chain gangs so the inmates could do free work on county and city projects.

Then he started chain gangs for women so he wouldn't get sued for discrimination.

He took away cable TV until he found out there was a federal court order that required cable TV for jails. So he hooked up the cable TV again only let in the Disney channel and the weather channel. When asked why the weather channel he replied, so they will know how hot it's gonna be while they are working on my chain gangs.

He cut off coffee since it has zero nutritional value. (OUCH!)

When the inmates complained, he told them, "This isn't the Ritz/Carlton. If you don't like it, don't come back."

He bought Newt Gingrich' lecture series on videotape that he pipes into the jails. (DOUBLE OUCH)

With temperatures being even hotter than usual in Phoenix (116 degrees just set a new record), the Associated Press reports: About 2,000 inmates living in a barbed-wire-surrounded tent encampment at the Maricopa County Jail have been given permission to strip down to their government-issued pink boxer shorts.

On Wednesday, hundreds of men wearing boxers were either curled up on their bunk beds or chatted in the tents, which reached 138 degrees inside the week before.

Many were also swathed in wet, pink towels as sweat collected on their chests and dripped down to their pink socks. "It feels like we are in a furnace," said James Zanzot, an inmate who has lived in the tents for 1 year. "It's inhumane."

Joe Arpaio, the tough-guy sheriff who created the tent city and long ago started making his prisoners wear pink, and eat bologna sandwiches, is not one bit sympathetic. He said Wednesday that he told all of the inmates: "It's 120 degrees in Iraq and our soldiers are living in tents too, and they have to wear full battle gear, but they didn't commit any crimes, so shut your damned mouths!"

Sheriff Joe was just reelected Sheriff in Maricopa County, Arizona.

I did in fact verify this on Snopes.

Morning Smirk

I detest mornings with people. See, I LOVE being up and moving before anyone else in stores or on the road. I like feeling the dew on my bare feet (my preference in the summer) and listening to the birds... hearing the occasional semi on the road driving by. I HATE people in the morning though (actually, it is general principal for me to hate people). What is up with this constant GOOD MORNING schtick they give me. Are they having a good morning? I was till they said it.It grates on my everlasting nerve and I can't explain why. Ask Zan, I instantly turn in to a bitch as soon as I start to hear people and their fluffy happy greetings. My father told me to start telling everyone good morning in a different language than change it up at the end with a derogatory remark in the same language. I guess I will be uping my language skills this morning.... sounds fun anyways.

Brush up on some Swahili or Icelandic.

And now without further (bruce help me out here... adieau)...

Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should
make things a little bit clearer.

IN PRISON..........you spend the majority of your time in an 10X10 cell.
AT WORK............you spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON.........you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...........you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON..........you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK............you get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON..........the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK............you must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON..........you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...........you could get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON.........you get your own toilet.
AT WORK..........you have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat.

IN PRISON..........they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK............you aren't even supposed to speak to your family.

IN PRISON.........all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK............you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON..........you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK ..........you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON .........you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK...........they are called managers.

Now get back to work. You're not getting paid to read blogs!

New Look

What do you think! Any suggestions?

ALICE’S MANIFESTO

man·i·fes·to Audio pronunciation of "manifesto" ( P ) Pronunciation Key (mn-fst)
n. pl. man·i·fes·toes or man·i·fes··tos

A public declaration of principles, policies, or intentions, especially of a political nature.


intr.v. man·i·fes·toed, man·i·fes·to·ing, man·i·fes·toes

To issue such a declaration.

It is not political, but I don't give a flying fuck.

ALICE’S MANIFESTO

A GUIDE TO A CALM DAY TO DAY LIFESTYLE.

Stop doing people’s things for them. Yes, they probably won’t do as good as job as you, but you can’t fix everyones mistakes and you can’t do everything for them. Stop enabling them, they will insist you do everything for them after the initial help.

You do not need to teach everyone… some people don’t want to be taught anything, they don’t care, they won’t do anything with it. Don’t waste your time on malcontempts (assistance for the word I am trying to get would be appreciated).

Don’t fight everyones battles. You may want to run to the rescue of a loved one but pick your battles, you may be hurting someones pride.

The word NO is not that hard to say.

People have the innate ability to annoy, condescend, and be stupid. Get over it, this is an inherint flaw that mankind has. It can not be fixed. Unless with genocide, and since that is very hard to come by. Deal with it.

If it doesn’t happen, it isn’t the end of the world.

If you want something fixed, do not outline the various ways of correcting it…. Let them figure it out. If you get upset with the final outcome see first passage.

People will argue with you about things… they will disagree. Does this make them wrong? Yes, more than likely. You do not need to shove it in their face they are wrong… it just puts you in a bad mood. Just say Okay and walk away from the situation.

I will add to this ALL day.

feeling motivated

Thank you Scott for this fun idea!

Make your own motivational poster!

Oh, and yeah, those are mine.

Alice's Tattoo

This is in the upper middle of my back.

I want an oroborous between my butterfly on my lower back and my celtic not at the top. I am being really picky about my oroborous, it has to be a european dragon, with wings, and arms/legs. I will not do the usual snake or have a tribal one. Got suggestions... bring 'em here.

And for all who think that butterflies are trendy, I got mine for my favorite short story "A Sound of Thunder" by Ray Bradbury. So, bite me. The halo on my butterfly, for someone who will always be special.

I'll have to get a pic of that one too.

your morning smirk

Yeah, this is Alice in about 50 years-minus the sweet and grandmother part of course.

A sweet grandmother telephoned Mount Sinai Hospital.

She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator said "I'll be glad to help, Dear. What's the name and room number?"

The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, "Holly Finkel, room 302."

The Operator replied, "Let me check. Oh, good news. Her record say that Holly is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged Tuesday."

The Grandmother said , "Thank you. That's wonderful! I was so worried! God
bless you for the good news."

The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Holly your daughter?"

The Grandmother said, "No, I'm Holly Finkel in 302. No one tells me shit.

horseshit

God Damn Bandanas

and for other interestingly strange news

today's life lesson

INDIFFERENCE AKA NOT GIVING A DAMN ABOUT STUPID PETTY SHIT!

Main Entry: in·dif·fer·ence
Pronunciation: in-'dif-&rn(t)s, -'dif-(&-)r&n(t)s Function: noun: the quality, state, or fact of being indifferent

indifference n 1: unbiased impartial unconcern 2: apathy demonstrated by an absence of emotional reactions [syn: emotionlessness, impassivity, impassiveness, phlegm, stolidity, unemotionality] 3: the trait of lacking enthusiasm for or interest in things generally [syn: apathy, spiritlessness] 4: the trait of remaining calm and seeming not to care; a casual lack of concern [syn: nonchalance, unconcern]

Main Entry: in·dif·fer·ence
Pronunciation: in-'di-f&rn(t)s, -f(&-)r&n(t)s
Function: noun 1 : the quality, state, or fact of being indifferent 2 a archaic : lack of difference or distinction between two or more things b : absence of compulsion to or toward one thing or another


Main Entry: indifference
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: disinterest
Synonyms: alienation, aloofness, apathy, callousness, carelessness, cold shoulder*, cold-bloodedness, coldness, coolness, detachment, disdain, disinterest, disinterestedness, dispassion, disregard, equity, heedlessness, immunity, impartiality, impassiveness, impassivity, inattention, inertia, insensitivity, insouciance, isolationism, lack, lethargy, listlessness, negligence, neutrality, nonchalance, noninterference, objectivity, stoicalness, stoicism, torpor, unconcern, unmindfulness

Elie Wiesel:

The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference.
The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference.
And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference.


George Bernard Shaw:

Indifference is the essence of inhumanity.

Martin Luther King, jr.:

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly.

But there are so many apathetic people out there.... why can't I just occasionally be one of them? I want to go through an entire day and not be upset with trival problems. I don't want to be angry at the cocksucker driving in the fast lane 55 mph instead of 70. I don't want to feel sorry for the little ole' lady at the pharmacy stand counting out pennies to pay for a prescription. I don't want to feel anger and sadness for the attendants that didn't get paid on Monday because a co-worker neglected to hit the "save" button when entering their timesheets. I don't want to be upset when they tell me off.

What is the point when people shouldn't give a damn as much as we do.

--------------------------------------------------------------
Our fundraiser grossed $300.00

Why?

Because we raffled off a computer that we had to pay for with the proceeds.

I have extreme guilt over the fact I was selling tickets telling the donaters the money was going to build ramps at the homes of persons with disabilities.

When in fact we bought a man a computer.

Why kind of ramp can we build for $300.00?

One that goes to a dog house?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Someone was approved for our program.

We used to decide how much care a person gets by hours.

DHSS decided to change it to 15 minute increments

We just got a fax giving a person 8.2 hours from DHSS

Why the fuck can’t people (especially ones who make more moolah than I do) know how to do their job.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Asst. Director-Alice, I won’t be here Friday to take down the artwork (70 pieces) from the gallery and bring it back here. Can you do it.

Alice-Yeah, I guess, I did it last year without even being told to because there was no one here to delegate the responsiblility.

Asst. Director-There wasn’t?

Alice-Uh, no, everyone was having a very merry vacation all at the same time.

Asst. Director-Well, if you don’t want to do it I can find someone else.

Alice- No, I’ll do it, someone will end up screwing it up.

Asst. Director- This isn’t rocket science, it can’ be “screwed” up.

Alice-Yeah, but none of my co-worker are rocket scientists to begin with…. I’ll do it. That way, if they did it and screwed it up I don’t have to clean up someone elses mistakes.

*I think Alice is in trouble today*

your morning smirk

40 THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK
1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying.
10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, & disorder-my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
40. Oh I get it... like humor... but different.

talk amoungst yourselves

Gay Unions and a Devil's Advocate

Yep, easy subject for me... I'm all for it. Yes, I am sure that this will ruffle feathers, it is suppose to, life ruffles feathers, deal with it.

I also think it would cut down on some of the divorices we have... gays wouldn't have to stay in the closet and marry straight people to live a "normal existence." whatever normal is.

Anyways, the boy toy and I got into this subject last night. I have a family member who is a lesbian, she has a partner, same partner for over 10 years. I am all for gay unions, not marriage persay but all for the idea of the equivilent, just call it something else with the same benefits. Anyways, we went deeper in arguement and went a few notches more. Please take the following with a grain of salt, I do not necessarily believe in the following (or that any of it is right, or that Homosexual marriages are in any way this caliber), but it did raise some questions in my mind. Where do we stop, where do we begin? Will we ever?

If we allow homosexuals to marry. How about the polygamist?

If we allow the polygamist to marry, then do we allow incestuous marriages??

How about marriage of an adult and an extreme youth?

How about if someone wanted to marry an animal??

Please, talk amoungst yourselves, give your opinion, I will not slight you for it, just keep in mind opinions are like assholes, everyones got one so be considerate with yours and don't bash anyone for what they think, if you don't agree, argue a point just don't be a dick about it.

your morning smirk

WHAT DO RETIRED PEOPLE DO ALL DAY?

My friends all ask me how I like retirement and what I do to occupy all my free time now. Well for example, the other day I went into town and went into a shop. I was only in there for about 5 minutes, when I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So, I called him a shit head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care. I came into town by bus. I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. Its important at my age.

Yo Quero?

What the fuck is wrong with this lady?

What kind of abuse would you call this?

Bad Chihuahua

what a long strange trip it's been

My niece was kidnapped by her own mother. My brother, his girlfriend (mother of child number duex) and his two children were walking around Wally-world. Ex-girlfriend (mother of child number une) comes into said Wally-world, comes over and begins coridially speaking with brother. Brother turns to point out something on the shelf to everyone… ex-girlfriend grabs child number one and runs like a bat out of hell out of the store. Brother screams several times she has taken my child she has taken my child…. Throngs of concerned mothers and fathers come running over to intervene stopping ex-girlfriend. Since Wally-world has that code Adam deal, the whole store shut down completely and she was in fact arrested for kidnapping (it was brothers turn for parental rights that weekend) and other misc. warrents. Ex-girlfriend lives in a town an hour away…. Somehow new exactly where my brother and the children were (stalker) and did that stunt. Hell of a lady.

My jaw hurts… and no I doubt it is from giving the boy-toy to many BJs. I don’t know what the hell I did to it, but it has been hurting for two weeks now. I have a strong feeling that I had dislocated it) I can feel it “pop” out of place and move to the right whenever I yawn or open my mouth wide, and it intensely hurts when I chew on anything. I doubt that it is a sprain in the tendon that connects the upper jaw to the lower job just as skosh ahead of where my ear is… (although that option did in fact come to mind). I don’t know what it is, but going on two weeks now I think that I might just need to suck it up and go to a general practitioner (which I don’t have… yet) and see what they say (which will probably be x-rays) or just go directly to the Urgent Care (yes, different from the ER) and just get the damable x-rays done. I think it may be Temporomandibular (TM) Disorders…. Stress related… go figure.

The stupid Fundraiser we hold every year at my shithole job is finally over with. We had a “big-ticket item” of a laptop computer with printer that we sold $10.00 tic

kets for. Needless to say not all proceeds went to what the fundraiser was initially for, instead we have to “purchase” the laptop, then all the leftover cash goes for our ramp building.

God, I am pissing off people left and right today. Fucking A. I am not a babysitter for adults, I am not a gopher, and I do NOT do other people’s jobs.

The crazy rednecks across the street have been notified by the county that they must get rid of ALL their vehicles and assorted misc. items or they will be towed/removed. Today is D-Day…. All vehicles were there when I left for work this morning, we’ll see if they are still there by this evening.
1. corvair
2. mercury zepher
3. mustang number one
4. mustang number two
5. lincoln
6. a boat (a very LARGE boat)
7. nova
8. buick
9. ford van one
10. ford van two
11. ford van three
12. 4 engines that also must go
13. hot tub in front yard
14. two washers
15. one dryer