Spiffy Ride

This ride is the Shit!

Cleaning out my Emails

LIPSTICK IN SCHOOL - PRICELESS

According to a news report, a certain school in GardenCity, MI was recently faced with a unique problem.

A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the washroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.

He called all the girls to the washroom and met them there with the maintenance man.
He explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, he asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned
the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

THE MORAL OF THIS STORY..

There are teachers, and then there are Educators.

Fruity Excellence

This is what happens to redneck hicks when they join AA... they still need a hobby don't they?

Fruity Excellence

Fruity Excellence

Fruity Excellence

Fruity Excellence

Fruity Excellence

Fruity Excellence

Fruity Excellence

Fruity Excellence

Fruity Excellence

Fruity Excellence

This is what happens when redneck hicks go into AA.... they still need a hobby eh?

Julian Beever

More chalk drawings from Julian Beever. Scroll down slowly and stop at each new frame. Incredible! Julian Beever is an English artist who's famous for his art on the pavement of England, France, Germany, USA, Australia and Belgium. Beever gives to his drawings an amazing 3D illusion.





From the "incorrect angle"

Chalk Art my personal fav.

Chalk Art

Chalk Art

Chalk Art

Chalk Art

Chalk Art

Chalk Art

Chalk Art

Chalk Art

Chalk Art

Chalk Art

Chalk Art

Flies

Thwap
She always did like that sound.
Thwap
It reminder her of the dull hallow sound of her drunken buddies hitting a water cooler with a baseball bat.
Thwap
Only this time the thwap was the sound of a baseball bat hitting her boyfriends already bloody misshapened head.
Thwap.
“That’s almost a tranquil sound isn’t it honey,” She was speaking to her lover of six years into his dented swollen face. She had loved those bright blue eyes he had, the slightly crooked teeth, his rugged three o’clock shadow although he had shaved late the night before. She had always hated that about him, she would be gone at work all day and yet he would wait to when she came home to shave.
“Obviously you never really like spending time with me did you asshole,” she whispered and kicked him in the stomach hard. He groaned a little and rolled his head to the side. His beautiful blue eyes were getting a little glossy now.
“Well honey you think that this place will start smelling bad soon” she asked. “Eh”. She knelt closer to his head so he could her better even with the red arterial blood that was now crusting outside of his ear. “remember the guy next door who shot himself a few years ago with the 20 gauge shotgun and no one gave a damn? The only reason anyone knew something was wrong was when the fly infestation got so bad around the doors and windows of the apartment someone complained to the city. No one heard the sound of the shotgun blast, no one noticed his car never left the driveway for a month, no one saw the man leave his home for a month. No one gave a damn.”
“Do you think anyone will give a damn about you? Will the flies annoy the neighbors enough to call the city again?
“All I wanted was to be happy with you honey. I just wanted to make you happy but I could never do enough for you. It was never fast enough, done correctly enough, smart enough…. Well, that is enough. Letting you see other women, paying for your vices, bringing home money everything was to make you happy” she screamed. “I gave you freedom to do as you desired and you made me feel like a loser for it.”
The bloody man was curling up in the fetal postion on his side now.
She dropped her Louisville Slugger and lit up a marlboro 100 taking long drags between thoughts.staring at the man on the floor.
Her boyfriends head was now so bloody and bruised she couldn’t tell where his nose should have been in comparison to wher it was sitting on his face now.
“Your still the best honey” she said as she snuffed out the rest of the cigarette on her jean.
She picked up the small metal box, took the keys ring and found the one that would open the grey box, inside the foam lining was a Smith and Wesson 357, her prized possession she had bought when she was 14 from a gun trader. While humming an old nursery rhyme she placed one cartridge in the gun she pulled back the hammer and aimed it straight at her former soulmate.
His cloudy blue eyes registered what was going on, he was crying now.
"Do you think the flies will save you honey?" she asked.
Putting the barrel in her mouth she pulled the trigger.

Weekend Fun.

Today's horrorscope-note,that wasn't a typo.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20) *** No matter which way you turn, you cannot win for losing. You might not know what to do with your frustration. Tonight: Anchor in.

Yeah, let’s get set.

First, if you believe in god or a higher power or whatever than please pray for Zan. She is going through hard times and I adore the chick and hate to see her suffer. Please send your love.

Well I am getting my resume out to some local-yokels, I can’t wait to see what happens now. Anything is better than this.

Saturday on my way to my part-time job (3 miles from my house) I get pulled over by a sheriff. Luckily it was a sheriff I sell booze and cigs to on the weekend so I ended upgetting a ticket for expired tags (departmental policy he said)-they were only 60 overdue (I have to get inspected, but don’t have the cash for the new tires) but at least I wasn’t harrassed and he was REALLY nice about it.

There went $83.00

Fuck

Sunday afternoon I was smaked on the ass by a drunk customer… he ran before I made it around the counter… nothing improves a girls disposition than being smacked on the ass by a man 5 decades older than her.


Lovely slide show provided by the tribune

Sunday night I leave my brew-thru job ½ hour early because we were getting reports of nasty storms heading our direction… tornadoes, hail, etc. On my way home my little buick got pummeled with hail and put a real nasty crack on my windshield and dented my car so it looks like it had been sitting in the middle of a baseball field being attacked by little leaguers. I went to park the damn thing in my garage but NOOOOOOO my driveway was flooded with a few feet of water and my garage had about 6 inches.

So now I am driving around with expired tags… a windshield with a nice spider pattern engraved on it…. And a $500 deductible.

So, how was your weekend?

Random Bermuda Short

Read all of today’s fucking posts damnit.

And you had better like ‘em.

(insert Rat’s snide remark here)

I think my office is the new site of the bermuda triangle. I have been here for I swear to vishnu going on 18 hours today and it is only 4:00 and I got here at 8:00 this morning (acutally 8:10 if you paid attention to my entrance into the office… but according to the log in sheet 8:00). Not to mention everything here gets lost and everyone here can’t ever seem to find a way home.

I am still needing a beer. Dusty, darlin’ bring me a brewski.

Told You I Was Being Random

Stare at something in the distance. Okay now hold your arm out and give a thumbs up sign. Now cover what you are staring at with your thumb. Close one eye. Keep your thumb where it is. Open that eye and close the opposite one.

Amazing how a slightly different view will change your perspective

More Odd Random Bullshit

The Person Above Me. . .
Ms.Jenn was playing a spiffy little game over at her blog so I gleamed it from her. This is The Person Above Me. The rules are simple: I will be first and then someone will say something about me. So you just keep making a comment about the person above you.

Alice always comes first... snicker snicker.

Random Bullshit

I really think I was about to get the shit kicked out of me if I didn't speak soon.

I wouldn't hold up well if tortured.

So, I'm back in full force


Past Issues with Crazy Psycho People

Billy Badass

Lucretia is now fucking Burn-e.

Harry (Lucretia’s baby’s Daddy ) is still living with Dad (Carl) and Psychobitch across the street. He is seeing some girl that drives a brand spanking new nissan pathfinder. I think I can see dollar signs in his eyes from all the way across the street.

Burn-e is Carl’s good friend from years and years ago. Burn-e comes by every couple years whenever he is released from prison to suck up and hang out with Carl’s until finally he steals enough money or anything else or gets picked up by the cops or burns out.

I don’t call him Burn-e because he burns out… I call him Burn-e because he is literally a burn victim from a methanphetamine explosion in his home from 14 years ago. His face is burned, his arms are burned and according to certain ladies his “unmentionable area” was burned as well. Apparently he wasn’t that smart of a cook. I am pretty damn sure he hasn’t learned his lesson or has stopped any and all extracurricular activities.

And Lucretia is fucking him.

Did I mention Lucretia is 22 (younger than I dear readers) and Burn-e is 46?

Ha.

Oh to be in love with an addiction

Oh, and lucky for me dearest reader apparently Billy Badass has a small crush on me.. either that or he just loves following me around whenever I am alone outside with very little clothing on complimenting me.

Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.