The Saga of Lucretia MacEvil and the Psycho-Bitch

Oh worthy blogging fans. A blast from your past readings and my past situations has been revisited. These include new characters and all new fun like knives, a mental institute, missing money, a cop, rehabilitation, a pair of pajamas, talking tv's, poisioning brother-in-laws, and cracks in the walls that declare wars.

To get yourselves psyched up for another fun filled adventure down the rabbit whole with your dear Fantastic Alice I would suggest catching up on the fun you have already missed.

Part One of Lucretia

Part Two of Lucretia

Part Three of Lucretia

Lucreita MacEvil-Henry’s girlfriend and mother of his child. She doesn’t work, she lives off the welfare system and she may have some serious jealousy issues. Possible crack-head.

Henry-Loser boyfriend of Lucretia who tells me that supposibly him and Lucretia are no longer together (but they do still shack up so they can get some wild monkey carnal sex thing going). He is also the son of Carl.

Psycho-Bitch-Wife of Carl. Step-mom of Henry and Lucretia’s main cohort. Also, the star of today’s story.

Carl-Father of Henry. Husband of Psycho-Bitch. Pretty good guy, wears his heart on his sleeve but doesn’t really ever seem to understand the extent of stupidity that he hangs around with (see above).

We open with a loud BANG

Alice: What the fuck was that?
Boy-Toy: Fuck if I know…
*Alice and Boy-toy go running outside of apartment to find the neighborhood Psycho-Bitch across the street throwing lamps, shoes, a small aluminum cabinet outside her front door screaming on top of her lungs*
Alice: What do you think is going on?
*Carl comes walking out of the house and starts up his van, then sees us watching and comes over to talk*
Boy-toy: Hey, what’s going on with your old lady tonight?
Carl: Oh, she just decided to take a butcher knife and cut her wrist… it isn’t anything major, she said that the cracks in the wall told her a war was about to happen and to prepare herself.
Alice: Huh? War of huh? Wait, What?
Carl: Yeah, she said that for months now the TV has told her that there is a war coming and now the cracks on the walls are tell her to prepare herself.
*Thunk* a arm chair comes out of the second story bathroom window*
Alice: For someone who just cut her wrist she seems pretty energetic.
Carl: Yeah, it was only a tiny scrape but she said she has to go to the hospital so that someone can see all the terrible things people are doing to her.
Boy-toy: what kind of things are you talking about?
Carl: Oh, she thinks that my brother has been putting arsenic in her food, little tiny orange crystals so she won’t eat a damn thing. Hasn’t eaten that I have seen for a week now, I know she is, she just won’t eat in front of anyone.
*We then here screaming of Psycho-Bitch waiving around pajama bottoms in the front window telling Carl not to go fucking boy-toy and myself or she was going to tell the police to arrest us.
*Carl screams back, well according to you I’m not even your husband and your kids have been replaced with robots now shut-up, stop throwing shit around and sling blood all over the place you stupid cunt.*
Alice: Um, maybe we should just go inside, besides, you have to take Ole’ Psycho-bitch to the hospital right?
Carl: Yeah, it’s her bright idea. She didn’t fill out her medicare paperwork so I will have to pay this out of pocket.
Boy-toy: You do know that if you take her to a hospital they are just going to end up admiting her to the psych-ward.
Carl: You think?
Alice: Yeah, and a lot faster, clearer, and better than she does. They are going to keep her for at least 96 hours.
Carl: Well, I had better round her up and we will see what happens.
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Monday Night Carl comes home very late sans Psycho-Bitch
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Tuesday Night
*Carl comes over to my house after talking to my boy-toy out on the street*
Alice: Hey Carl, care for a beer? *I was hoping he would so that I can find out the current dish on the Psycho-Bitch*
Carl: Sure, if I can take a shower first.
Boy-toy: Sure, come on over when you are done.
Carl: No, I mean over here…(he looked a little sheepish) The Psycho-bitch let the phone, electricity, and water get shut off today.
Alice: Wow, how the fuck did that happen? (Alice uses the word fuck a LOT)
Carl: Since the little incident with my wife, Lucretia, and you happened I had’t been staying at the house much…. Been over at my brothers but I had been giving her my checks so that she can pay rent and utlitlies. She kept the money and hasn’t paid anything in two months… including rent.
Alice: Boy that sucks monkey ass. Sure, you can come on over and take a shower. (anything to get the damn gossip.
*Carl eventually comes back over, takes a shower, and the three of us have a few beers before Carl begins giving us the real info about across the street*

*Now, bear in mind Carl, Carl’s brother (yeah, the one she thought was poisioning her), Carl’s sister, and Psycho-bitches two kids have all been trying for the last eight months to get her to go to a psychologist*
Here is a rough explantion of what happened:

After the initial Lucretia MacEvil fiasco here a couple of months ago both Carl and Henry split from the dwelling across the street to live with a myriad of people and homes so as not to confront the crazy woman that they had relations with. Apparently since then Lucretia has been living with her daddy an hour or two up north but has been making it a daily habit to call Psycho-Bitch and putting ideas in her head that Carl was fucking me, my boy-toy, the lovely young couple in the duplex next to me, and his co-worker. Needless to say Psycho-bitch thought this all to be true. Also, as everyone is beginning to find out Psycho-bitch has been hording money (that no one can actually find) because she hasn’t bought things in weeks. There are jars hidden under the bed with m & m’s color cooridinated in the different jars. Psycho-Bitch has been admitted to the mental ward for the next three weeks as well as having to go to 3 months of rehab in Kirksville. Evidently she had been spending money on drugs (apparently cocaine and meth) in order to hear the tv better. According to what Carl told us the doctors had told him she is a paranoid schizophrenic (uhhhh, derrrrr) and that the tv has been talking to her for years and that certain comercials have been telling her what happens outside the house with her family… that she was safer inside and that the tv would keep her uptodate with the goings on with the outside world. Also, the cracks in the walls evidently are able to breathe and they whisper to her constantly about wars and affairs and what people are doing to her and behind her back. She had also taken her son out of school for the last few months so that she could train him to listen to the subtle messages being received from the tv so that she could have him stand beside her when the war comes.

Sheesh, and I thought I had issues?

Carl is suppose to come over again tonight.... hoping to get more info... will keep you up to date!

Stay tuned for the continuation of part four. I promise it will be a doozie of a good time!