What.. Uh... How did that...

I always have told people not to piss me off. I don't get mad easily, but I warned everyone that if you make me mad I will have my revenge and you won't even know it.

Receptionist: Hey, Alice, you have a call on line 2
Alice: emmm...
Receptionist: Hey, Alice, you have a call on line 2
Alice: Who?
Receptionist: Lucretia MacEvil
Alice: Huh? (at this point I am concerned, this is an aquintance that I don't really talk to alot calling my work) Oh, this can't be good.
*Alice picks up phone*
Alice: Hello, this is Alice, can I help you?
Lucretia: Did you sleep with Henry? (her boyfriend of 4 years by which she has a two year old)
Alice: Huh?
Lucretia: Did you sleep with Henry?
Alice: No!
Lucretia: Did you sleep with Henry?
Alice: No!
Lucretia: He told me you did! Did you sleep with Henry?
Alice: No!
Lucretia: He told me you did! Did you sleep with Henry?
*Alice is getting very VERY pissed*
Alice: Yeah, sure, since you won't believe a damn word I say.
*Alice sees co-workers watching her and listening*
Lucretia: You fucking bitch you had better called the fucking cops right the fuck now because I am going to beat the shit out of you.
*Lucretia hangs up*dialtone*
*Alice goes and tells Director and Asst. Director that some half crazed woman will probably be over in a few minutes spouting off BS threatening me*
*big boss calls police*
*police come to speak with Alice*
*Alice explains to nice officers what was said and how the crazy woman lives across the street (50 feet away) half the time with boyfriend Henry and 2 year old baby because they can't pay rent and is probably on drugs or something making her wig out*
Officer: What was that name again?
Alice: Lucretia MacEvil.
Officer: Hold on a second, I think there is a warrant out for her.
*officer checks via spiffy walkie-talkie*
Officer: Sure enough! She has one for threatening her boss and vandalizing his office.
Alice: So what can I do about her threatening me?
Officer: Call us if she does it again, but if you see her call us anyways because she has county warrant.
Alice: Sure!
*Alice calls boy-toy, boy-toy is pissed... Henry has been his friend for 12 years and can't stand Lucretia... boy-toy takes off work to take me to the courthouse to file an ex-parte on the stupid Bitch and has to stop off at home first to ensure our house wasn't be ransacked by crazy woman Lucretia*
***********************************
*receive call from home at office*
Alice: Hello? (no more formal greetings today)
Boy-toy: Honey, Lucretia is across the street right now!
Alice: Okay! Watch outside!
*Alice hangs up phone, dials county police, and gives perfect description of vehicle and warrantee and address*
************************************
*Alice calls home*
Boy-toy: Hello!
Alice: Are you watching?
Boy-toy: Yeah... pause... pause... pause.... three sheriff's cars just pulled up.
Alice: Uh-huh.
Boy-toy: She is being arrested!
Alice: Uh-huh.
Boy-toy: She's handcuffed!
Alice: Uh-huh.
Boy-toy: I'll pick you up in just a minute to take you to the courthouse.
ALice: Uh-huh
**************************************
Later on after going to the courthouse and having filled out the ex-parte on said crazy woman (which was denied since there had only been ONE incident of harrassment) I return home to watch as Lucretia has been bailed out by step-father, Henry cussing out Lecretia, and Henry moving all clothing to car and leaving her alone. Recieved call later that night from Henry and his father (owner of house across street) apologizing profusely to boy-toy (I wouldn't accept calls... go figure). Turns out that fathers wife decided to put it into Lucretia's head that Henry had been cheating because fathers wife thinks that he has been. So, Henry and Father have now moved out of their homes with their signifigant others and have filed for divorce and seperation and custody. So, looks like fathers wife with her bright idea has now made her and Lucretia very lonely people! Bet they wished they hadn't made that call to me yesterday morning! And best part, Lucretia didn't know that I had had her arrest on that warrant!

I can't help but have that song "All by myself" keep playing in my head.