Cleaning out my inbox

My box needs cleaning... take that comment as you see fit.

Trying to get rid of things in my email while I debate searching for another job. I hate the idea of going to a new job... I have my own office, I have my own computer (hence the blog), I hate not being loyal to a company, but this place is a joke...

Yadda Yadda Yadda...anyways...

Good Business Lessons......Read and Learn
>
>Corporate Lesson 1
>A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
>shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which
>one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps
>herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there
>stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she could say a word, Bob says,
>"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel that you have on." After thinking
>for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
>After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars and leaves. Confused, but
>excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and
>goes back upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks
>her, from the shower, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor,"
>she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the
>$800 he owes me?"
>Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit
>and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to
>prevent avoidable exposure.
>
>Corporate Lesson 2
>A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road. He
>stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed
>her legs, forcing her habit to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest
>had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he
>stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately
>said: "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest was flustered and
>apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. Changing gear,
>he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said: "Father,
>Psalm 129?" Once again the priest apologized, "Sorry, Sister, but the
>flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a
>meaningful glance and went on her way. Upon his arrival at the church, the
>priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129. It Said, "Go
>forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
>Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might
>miss a great opportunity.
>
>Corporate Lesson 3
>A sales representative, an administration clerk, and the manager are
>walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a
>Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant
>three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one." "Me first! Me first!"
>says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat,
>without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone. In astonishment, "Me
>next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on
>the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas, and
>the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to
>the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after
>lunch."
>Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
>
>Corporate Lesson 4
>A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw
>the crow and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day
>long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not?" So, the rabbit sat on the
>ground below the crow and rested. All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped
>on the rabbit and ate it.
>Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
>very, very high up.
>
>Corporate Lesson 5
>A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the
>top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
>"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
>"They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and
>found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch
>of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the
>second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was, proudly perched
>at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot
>the turkey out of the tree.
>Moral of the story: BullShit might get you to the top, but it won't keep
>you there.
>
>Corporate Lesson 6
>In Africa, every morning a gazelle awakens, knowing that it must outrun the
>fastest lion if it wants to stay alive. Every morning, a lion wakes up
>knowing it must run faster than the slowest gazelle or it will starve to
>death.
>Moral of the story: It makes no difference whether you are a gazelle or a
>lion: When the sun comes up, you had better be hauling ass.

Rat's Life Lesson #1
two guys in the woods when a bear appears:

Guy #1 says thay should try to out run the bear.

Guy #2 says they're not fast enough to out run a bear.

Guy #1 says he doesn't have to be faster than the bear; just faster than guy #2.