Down The Rabbit Hole

“"If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?” “She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it)”

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Cleaning out my email

Remember Maxine from the Hallmark cards... thought these were funny.

*Martha's Way*
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

*Maxine's Way *
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for
Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!

*Martha's Way*
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

*Maxine's Way *
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix, keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

*Martha's Way*
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use
a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside
of the cake.

*Maxine's Way *
Go to the bakery! They'll even decorate it for you.

*Martha's Way*
If you accidentally oversalt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a
peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up."

*Maxine's Way *
If you oversalt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with
me the real woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't
care how bad it tastes!"

*Martha's Way*
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

*Maxine's Way *
Celery? Never heard of it!

*Martha's Way*
Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a
beautiful glossy finish.

*Maxine's Way *
The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing
egg whites over the crust so I don't.

*Martha's Way*
Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead.
The throbbing will go away.

*Maxine's Way *
Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink!

*Martha's Way*
If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves.
They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

*Maxine's Way *
Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.

*Martha's Way*
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for
future use in casseroles and sauces.

*Maxine's Way *
Leftover wine???????????
HELLO !!!!!!!



The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old
ladies running around with tattoos?

Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable
to cry in a Porsche than in a Hyundai.

Drinking makes some husbands see double and feel single.

Living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.

After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every
joint, you are probably dead.

4 Comments:

At 9:28 AM, Blogger Unknown said...

Go Maxine!!!...and i agree left over wine? wtf is that???

 
At 3:10 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

I love Maxine...

Who has left over wine? You open a bottle, you keep it until it is all gone.

 
At 3:18 PM, Blogger FantasticAlice said...

Then you open another one!

 
At 9:13 PM, Blogger Erin said...

The headache one is too funny! Maxine is my kind of woman!

And, I do sometimes wonder what my tattoos will look like in 40 years. But then I think "Aw, who the heck cares?! When can I get another??'

What fun it will be to embarass my kids when they are older showing off all my tattoos to their friends! LOL!

 

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