Trials and Tribulations of Alice

Been sick, been busy, nothing really more than that. I have had a cold for the last two weeks... it is finally working its way out of my system now.

The psycho-bitch across the street is back at home (oh joyous day for me) as well as lucretia MacEvil. Apparently her and her beau have reconciled... not without first riding themselves of the dilapidated lincoln town car with the busted shocks into the yard across the street that already is home to 3 full size vans, a nova, a corvair, impala, buick skylark, and tracker, and mercury something or nother and bought a 92 thunderbird with missing liscence plates, grille, and front bumper... Monday night Lucretia burns out 'bout midnight in the thunderchicken (which minutes later the cops go crusing by looking for the culprit of the rubber marks) and returns three hours later to throw two trashbags (full of clothes cause the trash bags kinda did this distentigrate on impact thing, and a fairly nice leather coat are all thrown out of the thunderchicken (while in gear-of course). The next day Lucretia is back across the street with psycho-bitch hanging out together (which gave them the bright idea to annoy me last November the last time they hung out together sharing the same brain). The lights in every room in the house has been on for four nights straight now. Hmmmm.... maybe rehab AND a mental institution aren't going to solve their issues.

Oh, and my new duplex neighbor... fucking Billy Badass. Yep, Billy Badass, my new neighbor... sheesh... I am stalling 'cause I gotta collect my thoughts on this guy.

Brief Summary on Billy. Billy is my landlords 22 year old adopted son. Billy was adopted at age 17 by landlord. Billy Badass and Billy Badass' Twin brother went into the army at age 18. He got out of the army in December So now I have this ungodly immature retired cannon fodder fucking up my nightly routines at home. In know all of you are thinking... oh, Alice you sexy thing don't let him bother you, he served his country... This guy drives me BONKERS! He always has his radio up so loud it shakes our living room floor, why so loud you ask? Because he has to hear his living room stereo from out in the garage where he is operating a god damn SKIL SAW! Haaa.... He brought his little dog too... acutally a REALLY big dog that will NOT stop barking at the cars or anything else for that matter that goes past our house. Last night as I was purusing through a magazine I heard this TONK TONK TONK of a hammer hitting metal... I waited for the voices to subside and retreat to the front of the dwelling... and there is a lovely green tarp hanging across the end corners of the fence. I figured he put it up for his dog since it was suppose to rain/sleet/snow in the next few days. Anyways I take MY dog out since finally he took is dog in to use the fenced in area... and to my surprise underneath the tarp is a dead gutted deer (this is 12:30 at night by the way) no wonder my dog went ape-shit and started gnawing on a hooved foot. Talking about scaring the shit out of a girl. Billy Badass came out after I had my near fatal heart attack when I came around to the front of the house to go inside and tell boy-toy what I saw.

Billy Badass's explanation of deer carcass? "I hit it in my eclipse earlier tonight when I came home from the bar... so, I decided to gut it to process it." "Hope it didn't scare you." "I was going to get a new car anyway, my check from the army should get here in a few days".

Alice's reply. "Wait till there is a horses head in your bed."

Exit stage left.

I swear to vishnu that I am getting a digital camera at some point to show you people pics of these things I speak of.