Tickle Your Funny Bone

My niece was kidnapped last week from wal-mart, I will write about that later this afternoon, but until then... don't you love suspense!

Stories from Physicians

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have
her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the
lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that
there were several cabs -and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX.

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an
elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big
breaths", I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a
wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more
than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family
that he had died of a "massive internal fart."

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with
one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me
to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to
put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't
see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions
include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I
asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete
confusion she answered..."Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband
was alive."

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR

6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your
breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I
can't seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to
see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young
woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety
of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly
determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled
for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating
table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above
it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass."

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note
on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

Submitted by RN no name

AND FINALLY!!!................

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite
embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment
I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged
lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and
further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said,
"I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you
were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".

Dr. wouldn't submit his name