extended pain
I truly think that I am going through some kind of depression (for the hundredth time). I feel completely forlorned, lost, exiled from everyone’s commonality. I am so dependent on people just so I can feel human too. I don’t even know why I am going to end up putting this on my blog other than to maybe keep it for the “record.” I just feel this great weight pressing down on my chest. Everything I do is wrong, no matter how hard I try to make it right. I feel worthless-useless, the lowest common denominator. I look around and all I see is despair right now. Everything sets me off, gets me upset or nervous. I feel angry at everything including myself. I know that you are suppose to make yourself happy first, then everyone else will follow. I can’t make myself happy until everyone around me is happy. My mood is completely dependent upon the people I deal with on a day to day basis. I am not looking for sympathy, or even an ear to listen to my problems. I am just doing that stream of consciousness thing that I always do…………………
posted by FantasticAlice @ 8:38 AM
4 Comments:
hey..your not alone sweetness..it happens to all of us..sometimes its hormonal, its sometimes also a chemical imbalance..sometimes its just friggin life! Just remember that we love you and keep you close to us in our hearts eventhough your hundred of miles away..heres a joke to cheer you up..
Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a
little girl and some construction workers that makes you believe that we CAN
make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time...
A young family moved into a house, next door to a vacant lot. One day a
construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.
The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in
all the activity going on next-door and spent much of each day observing
the workers. Eventually the construction crew, all of them
gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a kind of project
mascot.
They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and
lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her
feel important.
At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay
envelope containing a couple of dollars. The little girl took this home to her
mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested
that they take the two dollar "pay" she had received to the bank the
next day to start a savings account.
When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked
the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a
young age.
The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with the crew
building the house next door to us."
My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the
house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will if those assholes at Home Depot ever
deliver the fuckin sheet rock..."
Kind of brings a tear to the eye
Dusty... Both my Brother and Father are in construction... this brought a HUGE smile to my face.
Thank you so much.
well good, glad to hear it my friend..least i did something right today :)
hey Alice, in these moments remember that your true friends are indeed happy to have ya. We havent seen each other through the past couple of years, we've barely spoken with each other, but you know it brings to me a HUGE smile whenever I hear from you, whenever I remember our get togethers, our movie sessions in your house, our major drinking games, aw sweet moments.
Luvs ya!
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