Down The Rabbit Hole

“"If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?” “She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it)”

Friday, October 28, 2005

What.. Uh... How did that...

I always have told people not to piss me off. I don't get mad easily, but I warned everyone that if you make me mad I will have my revenge and you won't even know it.

Receptionist: Hey, Alice, you have a call on line 2
Alice: emmm...
Receptionist: Hey, Alice, you have a call on line 2
Alice: Who?
Receptionist: Lucretia MacEvil
Alice: Huh? (at this point I am concerned, this is an aquintance that I don't really talk to alot calling my work) Oh, this can't be good.
*Alice picks up phone*
Alice: Hello, this is Alice, can I help you?
Lucretia: Did you sleep with Henry? (her boyfriend of 4 years by which she has a two year old)
Alice: Huh?
Lucretia: Did you sleep with Henry?
Alice: No!
Lucretia: Did you sleep with Henry?
Alice: No!
Lucretia: He told me you did! Did you sleep with Henry?
Alice: No!
Lucretia: He told me you did! Did you sleep with Henry?
*Alice is getting very VERY pissed*
Alice: Yeah, sure, since you won't believe a damn word I say.
*Alice sees co-workers watching her and listening*
Lucretia: You fucking bitch you had better called the fucking cops right the fuck now because I am going to beat the shit out of you.
*Lucretia hangs up*dialtone*
*Alice goes and tells Director and Asst. Director that some half crazed woman will probably be over in a few minutes spouting off BS threatening me*
*big boss calls police*
*police come to speak with Alice*
*Alice explains to nice officers what was said and how the crazy woman lives across the street (50 feet away) half the time with boyfriend Henry and 2 year old baby because they can't pay rent and is probably on drugs or something making her wig out*
Officer: What was that name again?
Alice: Lucretia MacEvil.
Officer: Hold on a second, I think there is a warrant out for her.
*officer checks via spiffy walkie-talkie*
Officer: Sure enough! She has one for threatening her boss and vandalizing his office.
Alice: So what can I do about her threatening me?
Officer: Call us if she does it again, but if you see her call us anyways because she has county warrant.
Alice: Sure!
*Alice calls boy-toy, boy-toy is pissed... Henry has been his friend for 12 years and can't stand Lucretia... boy-toy takes off work to take me to the courthouse to file an ex-parte on the stupid Bitch and has to stop off at home first to ensure our house wasn't be ransacked by crazy woman Lucretia*
***********************************
*receive call from home at office*
Alice: Hello? (no more formal greetings today)
Boy-toy: Honey, Lucretia is across the street right now!
Alice: Okay! Watch outside!
*Alice hangs up phone, dials county police, and gives perfect description of vehicle and warrantee and address*
************************************
*Alice calls home*
Boy-toy: Hello!
Alice: Are you watching?
Boy-toy: Yeah... pause... pause... pause.... three sheriff's cars just pulled up.
Alice: Uh-huh.
Boy-toy: She is being arrested!
Alice: Uh-huh.
Boy-toy: She's handcuffed!
Alice: Uh-huh.
Boy-toy: I'll pick you up in just a minute to take you to the courthouse.
ALice: Uh-huh
**************************************
Later on after going to the courthouse and having filled out the ex-parte on said crazy woman (which was denied since there had only been ONE incident of harrassment) I return home to watch as Lucretia has been bailed out by step-father, Henry cussing out Lecretia, and Henry moving all clothing to car and leaving her alone. Recieved call later that night from Henry and his father (owner of house across street) apologizing profusely to boy-toy (I wouldn't accept calls... go figure). Turns out that fathers wife decided to put it into Lucretia's head that Henry had been cheating because fathers wife thinks that he has been. So, Henry and Father have now moved out of their homes with their signifigant others and have filed for divorce and seperation and custody. So, looks like fathers wife with her bright idea has now made her and Lucretia very lonely people! Bet they wished they hadn't made that call to me yesterday morning! And best part, Lucretia didn't know that I had had her arrest on that warrant!

I can't help but have that song "All by myself" keep playing in my head.

30 Comments:

At 12:11 PM, Blogger Sherri Sanders said...

Holy Cow!!

 
At 12:32 PM, Blogger FantasticAlice said...

FUCK'N A-She just called my office again... I just hung up on her...

 
At 1:01 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

Holy psychobitch Batman! Someone needs to be on medication (not self prescribed medication).

 
At 1:10 PM, Blogger FantasticAlice said...

Yeah, and she is breeding!

 
At 1:35 PM, Blogger Rat In A Cage said...

Why couldn't you live closer??? This is a job for napalm. I loved the story. Good job. I would have had to let her know I called though as I smiled & waved to her being arrested. (I know you weren't there). Great story.

 
At 1:47 PM, Blogger UrbanCannibal said...

Holy crap! She’s a frothing freak to be sure, reminds me of High School altercations by the bike racks or Jerry Springer episodes. Makes you wonder what makes people like this tick, just so you know which wire to cut to stop them from ticking.

 
At 2:13 PM, Blogger FantasticAlice said...

Rat-thanks, I like how I wrote it out and it feels good to actually get it out... since I had so many damned anxiety attacks yesterday...

But now the bitch called again and...

Alice: Hello, this is Alice how can I help you?
Lucretia: Yeah, Alice, this is Lucrita...
Alice: I don't want to speak to you, thank you and have a good day...
*dialtone*
Something tells me the shit will hit the fan tonight (Friday is Budweiser evening for me). I wonder if she started coming down off of what ever she was on and was going to apologize, or if she wanted to instigate some more crap.

 
At 2:21 PM, Blogger UnHoly Diver said...

Two words...PIT BULL

 
At 2:34 PM, Blogger FantasticAlice said...

Cannibal-I'm thinking just cutting the juglar would do it... but that isn't very sensible is it?

Bruce-I have an attack kitty... but yeah, I want some kind of bite-case german shepard or something.

 
At 2:37 PM, Blogger twolf1920 said...

Holy Crap-Its true-That real life is MUCH stranger than fiction, and MUCH more entertaining than TV-Thanks for that!

 
At 2:39 PM, Blogger FantasticAlice said...

twolf-whenever this entertainment wants to stop I will be a happy girl again.

I hate ruining peoples lives... but sometimes somethings got to give.

 
At 2:41 PM, Blogger FantasticAlice said...

Rat- on the why can't you live closer... don't tempt me, anywhere but here is a good thing.

Seen Wizards yet?

 
At 2:50 PM, Blogger twolf1920 said...

Yeah, but then WE won't be entertained...Its all about the AUDIENCE ya know! LOL!

 
At 3:00 PM, Blogger FantasticAlice said...

OH, don't you all worry, I am sure Monday when I am back in office I will have all sorts of new and wonderful things to bitch about.

The crazy girl will only be one of them.

She knows where my part time job is on the weekends... fortunately the owner of the little mini-mart is a gun freak with enough paranoid protection that he has every inch of his 16'x14' store has security cameras and he has a 24 hour a day 30 day a month video selection of all the comings and goings... and the girls that work there have ultimate say on who comes into the little redneck store... good luck on the crazy girl... the people I work there have a thirst for blood.

 
At 3:08 PM, Blogger kaz said...

I can't help but feel sorry for her feel, she must feel sooo insecure all the time the provake a reaction like that. Just imagine how and what she thinks.
This is how she deals with it - not the right thing to do of course. She did the wrong thing and hopefully she can process her thoughts more rationaly sober and with some sort of leagel assistance.

 
At 4:05 PM, Blogger twolf1920 said...

Screw that! That kind of sympathy ENABLES people to continue their insanity~She (lucretia) was guilty of contempt prior to investigation. You don't assume unless you have proof!

And feeling sorry for them doesn't help either.

Burn your ass enough times, and you stop sitting on the campfire!

Jeez, what a hardass I am eh? All from experience, peeps!

Just stirring the pot!

 
At 7:53 PM, Blogger Erin said...

OH. MY. GOD.

Psycho. No doubt about it!

 
At 12:11 AM, Blogger Unknown said...

knock the bitch into next week then call the cops..just a suggestion if she shows up to your house or your place of employment..

damn girl..you got some strange friends..but then..dont we all..

 
At 12:14 AM, Blogger Unknown said...

holy shit..you have figured out the blog template..I HEART you!thanks for the linkage girlfriend :)

 
At 6:23 AM, Blogger Rat In A Cage said...

I just finished watching it. Bizare to say the least. I went out last night and had a few too many & watched the first half of it. Woke up a couple of hours ago & watched the second half. Trippy, indeed. I didn't love it, not hate it. I watched the whole thing so I guess it was gripping. I'll have to re rent "Heavy Metal" now.

As for the other thing, it's probably cheaper to live unhappily in Columbia, Missouri than to live unhappily in California.

 
At 9:13 AM, Blogger Unknown said...

Eh, warrants. I'm at work right.

Alice, I don't know if you know, but most often I have a hero of the week. You are it this week, baby!

 
At 9:21 AM, Blogger Scott said...

well I am just glad Alice is safe.

 
At 10:32 PM, Blogger Kurt said...

so do you think people act this way becuz they watch too much Jerry Springer and think it is normal or that there are so many people that think this is normal that Springer never runs out of "guests" for his show? I mean, wtf? I'm thinking of the Dad's wife here that started all this shit.
You know, I feel sorry for them both too. But that doesn't mean they shouldn't have to live with their actions. Imagine how shitty life must be when you live it like that.

I'm glad I'm just a dull old fart now.

 
At 1:03 AM, Blogger Danilo da Silva said...

son-of-a-monkey-ass!! that no good stinkin woman buggin my Alice!! interesting story nonetheless... im glad there was a happy ending for alice though.

many kisses 2 ya! I saw the my blog's link here, too funny!! luvs ya!

 
At 1:06 PM, Blogger twolf1920 said...

There is a lot to be said for dull sometimes Kurt-Trust me on that!

 
At 6:09 PM, Blogger Jay Noel said...

So...did you sleep with Henry?

Just kidding!

What a maniac. Way to go, the way you handled it. Just gotta be careful now, she might step over the line again and not call to warn you about it.

 
At 5:36 AM, Blogger Unknown said...

OK if your happy ass is at work its time to post the sequel to crazy bitch part deux.

 
At 10:04 AM, Blogger daisyduke said...

now THATs entertainment!
of course drama like that can become tedious over time...it is, however, worth reading about!
don't stay pissed though, ok?

 
At 7:28 PM, Blogger Martin said...

I'm just happy that she didn't take it to the next level but seeing as she has a recurring issue with threats... it worked out for the better. It does amaze me that they haven't medicated her by now.

 
At 3:03 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

Cop: Lucretia MacEvil, little girl what's your name???? Hard luck and trouble, bound to be your claim to fame.

Tail-shakin' heart-breakin' truckin' through town. Each and every country-mother's son, hangin' 'round.

Drive a young man insane. Evil that's your name

 

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