MY GOD DAMNED LUNCH
Some ass clown ate my lunch!
Okay, had a meeting last week on Friday, so my left over eggroll and veggies in garlic sauce where tucked into the office fridge into the waaaaay back.
Today's monday (ha, obviously) I went back, no food in fridge.... I do a little further investigation and the container I had it in was in the trash can next to the fridge, I swear to vishnu that the damned aluminum had been licked clean.
so to my office staff of 28 this is the email I sent out:
This is a quick little reminder to everyone that if there is food in the back fridge, and it isn't yours DON'T EAT IT. Someone ate my lunch for today, someone also ate Tarzie's lunch from last week. GROW UP AND GET A LITTLE RESPECT FOR OTHERS BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY YOU HAVE NONE FOR YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!
By the way I am the youngest person on the staff, granted not the lowest paid but none the less the youngest. Ya would think they would know better but NOOOOOOO! It took everything I could do to not write in the email that if I so happen to find out who ate it I will hang them up by their small toes by fishing line and poke them with forks to make doted lines and then cut along the dotted lines until their upper half drops to the ground then I will feed it to rabid squirrels, I am currently working on how I want to dispose of the bodies.....
Yuppie Bastards!
posted by FantasticAlice @ 3:32 PM
7 Comments:
We used to have that problem at one of my previous places of employment. Someone there got tired of having their lunch snagged, so they came up with the idea of putting caustic acid in some of the food as a "trap". It was brilliant! One little drop and the offender had diarrhea for a week!
rt's idea is a good one, you can buy laxatives in the form of chocolate bars from your local pharmacist or drug store.
Your idea of perforating someone to death is very inventive, great work, I like to break off peoples limbs and push them up their ass and kick them around the office until they BLEED!!! if you leave their feet sticking out you can stand them up and place kick them around the office, make a game of it with your good workmates and see how far you can kick them, the winner gets to drop them off the roof.
Yeah, I have seen the diarrheatic used and it is a VERY effective deterrant.
I have also seen the body chopped up solution and it is the ultimate deterrant. The saws, heavy duty plastic, cement blocks and duct tape are so much more expensive than the pills though. You'll need somoene else's help too and that opens you up to potential blackmail attempts and that just means another body to dispose of and the cycle repeats itself over and over. Finally I had - I mean you would have to move from NY far away to CA or something like that.
Oh, I guess I'd better give back her taquitos. Damn.
Dude, we all write our names on ours. But I guess we don't have that problem, for the most part. I did snag Cristina's water the other day. I keep forgetting to tell her. But it's Cristina damnit! We've been friend's since grade school. That gives me permission to drink her damn water!
I WAS the youngest and not the least paid, too. Then Nicole wanted to come and be WAY younger and hella smart (just outta school). Damn her! Oh yeah, she's hot too.
Um, I like your idea of disecting people too. I'll make a mental note to be nice to you and doym and Mr. Rat. For real. I love you guys.
lunch eating ass clowns are hard to love...and it isn't funny that you had to go hungry or eat out of the tomain truck, but very entertaining to read, nonetheless.
I can't wait to read what sort of rodents your trap catches---no offense, rat
It was probably Cristine who ate your left overs. Do situations such as these ever tempt you to sit on a corner with a cardboard sign for a living?
thats why i luvs alice, so considerate, so much love! lol
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